The Deejay: Not Just For The Reception

When people talk about deejays at their wedding, they're usually thinking about the reception. A deejay can make or break the the atmosphere at a reception, the good ones know the right mix of music to get everybody up and dancing, yet keep the music at a background level during dinner. But what about the ceremony itself? Your guests have joined you for this pivotal moment in your life - they may be thinking ahead to the wedding cake and the open bar, but you want them to hear what's going on! Most deejays, in addition to providing music and master-of-ceremonies services during the reception, will also take care of processional and recessional music and will set you up with microphones so that your family and friends can hear the officiant, as well as the bride and groom when it's time for vows.

In our early days as wedding officiants we would often have a deejay hand us a wireless microphone just before the ceremony. A handheld mic is very helpful if the officiant has memorized your ceremony, but we seldom do, since each wedding is unique, and we try to avoid going off on tangents, which is a strong possibility when operating without a script. So for us, a handheld is a little awkward. We've also used clip-on or headset microphones, which are ideal if the vows are going to be in the "I Do" format, but not so ideal if the couple will be reciting their vows. The clip-on or headset may not be able to pick up the vows. We have taken to recommending a mic stand with the the stand equidistant between the officiant, the bride and the groom. We then do a pre-ceremony sound check to verify that the mic placement will be able to pick up all three. Sometimes this requires some on-the-fly volume or gain adjustment by the deejay, but if done right, no one has to touch the microphone, or change position in order to be heard. This has worked well every time we've done it.

One item on our pre-ceremony checklist is to check in with the deejay, not only to arrange for a sound check, but also to make sure that we are all on the same page when it comes to music. Making sure that everyone can be heard, even in the back row, is an important part of your wedding ceremony.

Religious Affiliation

From time to time we are asked whether or not we are "real" ministers, or what church we belong to, or even specifics about our religious beliefs. We always decline to answer questions like that, not for any nefarious reason, but because we strive to maintain an openness to couples of all faiths (or no religion at all).

The State of Nebraska has designated several categories of people who may legally officiate at a wedding in the state. One of these categories is "ordained minister". The state does not presume to decide what determines a valid ordination and leaves that up to the individual religions, denominations, seminaries etc to set their own standards.

Couples who are active in their respective faith usually have their own minister, priest, imam or rabbi solemnize their marriage ceremony. For those who desire a wedding minister who shares their religious beliefs, or are looking for someone to spiritually "bless" their union, there is usually someone close at hand who is in that category. We at Beyond Illusion Wedding Officiants do not attempt to meet that description!

One of our goals is to work with you to create a wedding ceremony that reflects your beliefs and what is important to you. We feel that our own views of spirituality are irrelevant; what is relevant is what you want. And because we make your wishes the priority, our policy has always been to keep our own religious opinions out of the process and put the spotlight on the bride and groom. We do not discuss our personal religious opinions or affiliation in order to maintain an openness to couples of all backgrounds.

We always encourage a couple to schedule a face-to-face meeting before committing to our services.

Thanks for Choosing Us!

As we move into a new year, our seventeenth as wedding officiants, we at Beyond Illusion Wedding Officiants would like to express our gratitude for all the couples who chose us as their officiants. A special thanks to those who recommended us to their friends and relations, as well as the vendors who tell their customers about us; and, of course, those of you who took the time to write reviews.

We started in 2007 by performing eight ceremonies, advertising in the yellow pages with no online presence at all. We kept track of our brides and grooms on a paper calendar stuck to a clipboard and returned your calls via a landline. Eventually we realized that it was the 21st century and there was this thing called the internet. Today, other than word-of-mouth referrals, most people find out about us through our website beyondillusionweddings.com, as well as our Facebook page. We've also added a Twitter feed and of course, this blog. 

Beyond Illusion Wedding Officiants has also changed our pricing structure to better serve the diverse needs of the community of soon-to-be brides and grooms. Our standard wedding, which has always been semi-customized, now tagged as The Silver Package, continues to be couples' most popular choice. We've added a Gold package, which will be 100% customized, designed from scratch, as well as more affordable options for people who want to elope, or just need someone to "make it legal" by signing the marriage license. For those who would like to be united in marriage by a close friend or relative, but that person lacks experience, we will help you write the ceremony that your chosen officiant can use.

No matter who you are, where you're getting married, no matter how simple or elaborate, it's your day, and we, as always, will help make special for you!

We look forward to another great year working with many more happy couples!

Happy Holidays!

Revs. Tom & Susie Joyce

Six Hundred Plus Weddings!

On July 5th of this year, Beyond Illusion Wedding Officiants celebrated our 600th wedding. We started on this matrimonial journey on March 31st 2007 with Mandi and Brandon's wedding and have averaged almost 50 a year since.

Before we started performing wedding ceremonies ourselves, we attended the wedding of some friends in Chicago, where the officiant was another friend of ours. During the ceremony Susie elbowed Tom in the ribs, whispering "You'd be good at this!" It took several years for Tom to heed this advice, but an ad went into the Lincoln phone book's Yellow Pages in 2007 and we were off and running. Eventually we upgraded to a website, Facebook page, Twitter feed and now the blog.

That first year was quite an adventure. We were learning as we went, accepting advice from other officiants, scouring the internet for tips and developing our own style. That first year Tom officiated at eight weddings. In 2008 Susie began doing her own, starting out with two on 8/8/08! The number of weddings increased quickly - one year we even did 75! There were times when we were officiating three times in a day! Last year we set two records: 5 weddings in one day (2 for Susie and 3 for Tom) and 16 weddings in one month (October 2018)

Unlike many officiants, we do not use the same liturgy for everyone, but provide a method that we call "semi-customized". Upon meeting the soon-to-be  bride and groom, we go over a checklist with them that helps to come up with an outline for the ceremony. As we review the checklist together, the couple have the opportunity to add or take away items that we suggest. Occasionally they have everything figured out ahead of time and just hand us the completed ceremony. That is extremely rare!

Once we have the outline worked out, the couple is sent an email with the outline, as well as a selection of options for each item on the outline. We like to give them the opportunity to think through their choices without pressure. We are available for follow up visits, or subsequent communication can be by email. Once they have made their choices we put everything together in a final draft so that the bride and groom know exactly how the service will go, without concern that we'll go off on a tangent.

We also offer fully customized ceremonies, short, non-customized weddings, or we can just sign the paperwork for you. Tom has even branched out to doing Spanish ceremonies.

Tom likes to tell people that officiating at weddings is "the best part time job in the world" - we've met many wonderful people over the last thirteen years and 600 weddings, and look forward to 600 more!

What To Do If Your Wedding is Running Late?

The short answer is "Don't Run Late"!

There are a multitude of ways that the start time for your wedding can be delayed. Any one of the big and little details can take longer than you thought it would. So what do you do? You plan. One of the fundamentals of any kind of event planning is that you anticipate everything that can possibly go wrong and come up with a contingency plan, a Plan B. I have done a fair share of event planning in my life, and my assumption always is that things will not go as planned. Outdoor event? What do you do if it rains? Where's your backup location? Do you need to delegate someone to set up the backup room?

A key to knowing what could possibly go wrong is to have some experienced professionals on your wedding team.

(See my previous blog: "Assembling Your Wedding Team"

 https://beyondillusionweddings.blogspot.com/2017/08/assembling-your-wedding-team.html.

An experienced wedding planner will anticipate some of these potential problems and work to obviate them before they happen.

One of the potential weak links in the wedding day chain of events is an unrealistic estimate of how long things will take. If the bride's hairdresser tells you that it will take a certain amount of time, make sure the estimate is accurate, and then pad the time. Then make sure that you stick to the schedule. Someone is going to have to crack the whip and make sure that if an item on the schedule is supposed to take 90 minutes, that it takes no more than 90 minutes. A great wedding planner will make sure that this happens. Travel time is another possible cause for delay. Did you allow for heavier-than-usual traffic if there is another event that day? What about parking? Is your wedding party driving around for 20 minutes looking for a parking meter while the photographer waits (im)patiently? Of course vehicles break down, you can't predict when it will happen, but what's the plan for when it does happen? Everyone has cell phones. Do you have someone designated to drive and pick up missing people? Wedding party and family pictures also occasionally take more time than anticipated, but not usually because of the photographer. People wandering off to smoke, or chatting with each other when the photographer is trying to get you in place will slow things down. I've seen weddings where someone was designated as a "wrangler" to get everybody in place so that the pictures moved along at the planned pace.

Finally we're down to the last hour or so before the ceremony. This is where decisions have to be made regarding start time. Usually by this time the bride, groom, wedding party, parents and officiant are all on site. The bride and groom have to decide whether or not the issue holding things up is in fact important enough to hold things up. A year ago I officiated a wedding that started close to an hour late. the reason? The bride's bouquet was missing. In my view, this is not a reason to delay. Few, if any, guests, will realize that the bouquet is missing, so starting that late is not going to endear you to your family and friends!

Until now we haven't mentioned the guests, the family and friends who have come to share this day with the bride and groom. They have made the effort to be there on time and are sitting outside in the hot sun, or inside on hard wooden pews and they are very aware that the invitations said 5:00 and it's now 5:20. Respect your guests who cared enough to show up on time. Of course, sometimes some of the guests aren't there. The reality is that many people have no interest in the ceremony and just want to attend the reception. Some people are just terrible at getting places on time, and no matter how late you start, someone will come in after you start. So, don't worry about the stragglers and start on time. (Exception - if a very important family member, like grandma or a parent isn't there, you might want to wait, but you should have also included their arrival in your planning!)

And speaking of guests, for outdoor wedding especially, no one wants to sit down any sooner than they have to. Instruct your ushers to firmly guide your guests to their seats so that everyone is seated at least 5 minutes before you line up.

More often than not though, the delay is due to no one realizing how late it is. Once again, this is where the wedding planner comes in, cracking the whip, getting everyone lined up and up the aisle. In the absence of a planner I often take on this role myself.

So, as I said at the beginning of this blog post: "Don't Run Late"!

Rehearsals

I like to do rehearsals. Why? Because there's always a chance for miscommunication. The bride forgets to tell the officiant that a bagpipe player will be performing a medley of romantic songs just before the vows, or Uncle Smedley, who used to pastor a church in Arkansas before that "incident" will be reading from scripture, which turns out to be the first six chapters of Isaiah. Usually, however, it's little stuff. This past weekend the ceremony included a Unity Sand Ceremony. We discovered during the rehearsal that I had the wrong version in my notes, so we fixed it in time for the actual ceremony.

A rehearsal is a great time for communication. In addition to the opportunity for everyone to know their parts as mentioned in the first paragraph, it's a good time to figure out who's "giving orders". When I first started officiating weddings I just showed up at the rehearsal and let someone else run the show. Unfortunately, there were times when no one was running the show! So I took it upon myself to make sure everyone was where they needed to be, as well as giving ushers their instructions and coordinating with the deejay and photographer. This has been my default for many years, however sometimes I find there's a venue coordinator who is also used to running the show, or one of the mothers. This can result in confusion if I am telling people one thing and the coordinator or parent is saying something else. The solution is to find out if there is someone like that out there (check with the bride and groom!) and coordinate with that person to make sure everyone is on the same page.

In general though, the rehearsal should be a fairly straightforward affair: get everybody lined up, show them where they are going to stand and let people who have parts to play know what there cues are. This of course includes whoever is holding the rings (usually the best man). It can also include any "extras", like family members who are going to come up and do a reading, or a musician or singer who will be performing during the ceremony. Since a wedding ceremony can be considered a performance of sorts, you don't want a lot of "dead air"; you want your singer or musician to be in position or least sitting close to the front when it's their turn.

The way I run a rehearsal is to start at the front of the room - the altar or arch, or wherever the ceremony is going to held. I then ask the bride and groom to line their attendants up in order, I then help them position themselves and ask them to note where they are standing. Then, before doing an actual run-through of the ceremony, we practice the recessional. As the bride and groom are walking out I instruct the wedding party as to when they are to follow the bride and groom. I also tell them to stay in order and with their partner because we're coming right back!

Now we can practice the processional since everyone allegedly knows where they are going. Once the processional is complete and everyone is in place we can actually walk through the ceremony, give everyone their cues and entertain questions. (Sometimes it's a challenge to keep questions on topic - decisions about table settings and limousines are best left for later). Occasionally the walk through will reveal flaws in the plan  and we make changes. Most of the time one walk through will be sufficient, but if there is any confusion, practice the processional and recessional as many times as needed.

A smoothly run rehearsal is one of the benefits of utilizing a professional officiant, especially if you do not have a wedding planner or event coordinator. An officiant with many weddings under his or her belt will anticipate potential problems and solve them before you even are aware of them.

Outdoor Weddings

Most people who plan outdoor weddings understand that they need a backup location if it rains (or snows!), but most don't consider the other challenges of an outdoor venue. Extreme temperatures can happen when you least expect it. That September day that you just knew would be cool and pleasant? Winter can come early. And summer weddings can bring heat indexes topping 100 degrees. How about where the sun will be in the sky at "I Do" time? A couple whom I married a few years ago scouted out their spot a full year before their wedding to determine whether the sun would be in anyone's eyes and if the guests would be in sun or shade - now that's planning.

It's also a good idea to find out if your location is home to mosquitoes...or bees! Scope out he path that your bridal party will be travelling for the processional, is it flat ground, gravel, pavement or soft grass? The surface will make a difference whether the ladies want to wear heels or not! What about noise? A popular wedding spot here in Lincoln is in a public park at one of the busiest intersection in Lincoln, so not only do you have the traffic sounds, but that of happy families enjoying a day at the park. Add to that - the preferred spot in the park is in front of a waterfall, which usually drowns out the officiant as well as the couple's vows.  There is also a venue where a train occasionally goes by during a wedding; out of sight, but unfortunately not out of earshot. Find out if your officiant has a microphone; if not, renting one would be worth it.

Finally, will your guests be able to find it? Sure, Google maps can get you anywhere, but what if there's no cell service in the area? I've conducted my share of late-starting wedding because someone important to the bride and groom was lost somewhere on the back roads of Nebraska.

Outdoor weddings can be beautiful, but they require an extra layer of planning.