Rehearsals

I like to do rehearsals. Why? Because there's always a chance for miscommunication. The bride forgets to tell the officiant that a bagpipe player will be performing a medley of romantic songs just before the vows, or Uncle Smedley, who used to pastor a church in Arkansas before that "incident" will be reading from scripture, which turns out to be the first six chapters of Isaiah. Usually, however, it's little stuff. This past weekend the ceremony included a Unity Sand Ceremony. We discovered during the rehearsal that I had the wrong version in my notes, so we fixed it in time for the actual ceremony.

A rehearsal is a great time for communication. In addition to the opportunity for everyone to know their parts as mentioned in the first paragraph, it's a good time to figure out who's "giving orders". When I first started officiating weddings I just showed up at the rehearsal and let someone else run the show. Unfortunately, there were times when no one was running the show! So I took it upon myself to make sure everyone was where they needed to be, as well as giving ushers their instructions and coordinating with the deejay and photographer. This has been my default for many years, however sometimes I find there's a venue coordinator who is also used to running the show, or one of the mothers. This can result in confusion if I am telling people one thing and the coordinator or parent is saying something else. The solution is to find out if there is someone like that out there (check with the bride and groom!) and coordinate with that person to make sure everyone is on the same page.

In general though, the rehearsal should be a fairly straightforward affair: get everybody lined up, show them where they are going to stand and let people who have parts to play know what there cues are. This of course includes whoever is holding the rings (usually the best man). It can also include any "extras", like family members who are going to come up and do a reading, or a musician or singer who will be performing during the ceremony. Since a wedding ceremony can be considered a performance of sorts, you don't want a lot of "dead air"; you want your singer or musician to be in position or least sitting close to the front when it's their turn.

The way I run a rehearsal is to start at the front of the room - the altar or arch, or wherever the ceremony is going to held. I then ask the bride and groom to line their attendants up in order, I then help them position themselves and ask them to note where they are standing. Then, before doing an actual run-through of the ceremony, we practice the recessional. As the bride and groom are walking out I instruct the wedding party as to when they are to follow the bride and groom. I also tell them to stay in order and with their partner because we're coming right back!

Now we can practice the processional since everyone allegedly knows where they are going. Once the processional is complete and everyone is in place we can actually walk through the ceremony, give everyone their cues and entertain questions. (Sometimes it's a challenge to keep questions on topic - decisions about table settings and limousines are best left for later). Occasionally the walk through will reveal flaws in the plan  and we make changes. Most of the time one walk through will be sufficient, but if there is any confusion, practice the processional and recessional as many times as needed.

A smoothly run rehearsal is one of the benefits of utilizing a professional officiant, especially if you do not have a wedding planner or event coordinator. An officiant with many weddings under his or her belt will anticipate potential problems and solve them before you even are aware of them.

Assembling Your Wedding Team

You can have an extremely simple wedding: you and a few family members in your living room, or at the courthouse, in which case your headaches will be few. But for most of you will have something a little more elaborate than that, in which case you'll need to assemble your wedding team.

The Venue
This is possibly the first thing that you'll have to line up. In most cities popular wedding venues are booked a year or more, even years, in advance. Find out what the venue will provide: do they offer catering, or do you need to make separate arrangements for food? Will their staff set up the room for you? Is there a deejay on staff? What's the parking situation? Will you be having the ceremony and the reception in the same location? The more popular places will anticipate your questions and help you with planning. Other locations may not be as helpful, but more affordable.

The Photographer
A professional is the way to go, preferably someone who has done a few weddings. Not only are there posed pictures, but there are many opportunities for candid shots during the processional, recessional and the reception. A good photographer will be virtually invisible. I've seen a few blocking guests' view during the ceremony; a no-no as far as I'm concerned. A good photographer won't need every member of the wedding party to stop and pose during the processional - but everyone should smile - that's hard to edit in afterwards! Sit down with your photographer and discuss exactly what pictures you want taken. Experienced professionals will have suggestions for you, but let them know if there is anything out of the ordinary that you want.

Food
There are some great caterers and bakers in town. If your venue doesn't provide food, shop around, ask for suggested menus. Surprisingly, several of the grocery stores in town have excellent bakeries and cake decorators who do an excellent job with wedding cakes.

Deejays
Many deejays double as the master-of-ceremonies during the reception. Work with your deejay on a schedule for your reception, pick out the songs together (although a good deejay will know what kind of songs work best for different parts of the ceremony) and make sure she has a list of all the relevant names. Some deejays will provide a microphone for your officiant and any musical accompaniment. Check with your musicians and your minister for their needs. For example, since I don't memorize my weddings (each one is different) and read from a script, it is awkward for me to juggle a hand-held microphone and ask for one on a stand, or at least a clip-on.

Wedding Planner/Coordinator
You're probably going to be somewhat nervous and under some stress on the day of the wedding. Hiring a wedding coordinator will take the pressure off. A wedding planner or coordinator not only does a lot of the leg work in lining up your vendors, but also helps "direct traffic", i.e. get everybody lined up and in place on time for the ceremony. A coordinator will also handle any last minute problems like missing flowers, late arrivals or issues with the sound system so that you can relax and enjoy your big day.

There are numerous other details and many other team members that will contribute to making the day go smooth: florists, bridal and tux shops, printers (for invitations) and of course, don't forget, an experienced officiant!